Mom’in during a Pandemic

I wrote this over a year ago with the intent to publish it but was scared to put on paper my struggles as a new mom when I felt like the world was closing in on me–– I hope you enjoy it.

Having a baby during a global pandemic sure changes a lot of things as many of you know. It changes relationships, how you thought your story might go as a mom, and who you become as a mother. I had a beautiful baby boy at the end of January 2021 and I never thought that part of my recovery physically would also be to recover my mind. My little guy spent a week in the NICU and I was desperate to feel “normal” and connected because my family could not possibly understand what it is like to be a mother in a pandemic AND have your baby not come home with you. I was the first of my major girlfriend group to get pregnant and have a baby and so they just didn’t understand how I was feeling. I really needed people in my life who understood where I was at in my journey and especially who understood the struggle of a NICU pandemic mom.

I faced not only the struggles of navigating new motherhood but came home with postpartum anxiety and depression. Bonuses I did not expect to come home with.

I kept telling myself I had all the support I needed though—I had my husband, my family, and friends. I realized over time that while these people were all great, they just didn’t get it! Being a mom that went through trauma it was so refreshing to have other women know and understand how hard pregnancy, labor, and NICU stays, and how hard being a pandemic mom truly was.

Flash forward two years and the pandemic seems like a blip in time. I am thankful for therapy, my immediate family and friends to get me through. I can say I made it! I made it through a time that was so very hard for me.

Whatever you are struggling with right now, know you are not alone. You can get through it and you might need some help along the way.

xo,

kai

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One Simple Way To: Stand Tall

Every day we wake up with a new day, a new to start over to write our own. Each day the sun rises and so do we. We wake up to an awesome day that awaits us. Each day we are blessed with a new seed to grow into a beautiful new tree.

We can have it all just with a new mindset. A new mindset that our “tree” has new leaves fresh and crisp ready for that new day. Our trees are all different in there own ways, constructed vein by vein in each leaf, branch by branch down to the trunk to support and hold up everything. Our tree is special. It’s leaves may shed, to leave us with something bare but that’s just it— they shed for something greater. Day by day we are graced with new. New ideas, new support, new growth. We may run into trouble or doubt but one thing remains: each new leaf to make our tree is beautiful. A tree doesn’t doubt how to grow it just does. Our path and growth is planned for us and we just need to do. Just do what’s best for us in order for us to grow. To grow into something magnificent and detailed in our own unique ways.

This isn’t my typical blog post but I felt inspired by J Lo’s new movie, Second Act and the words just flowed in because we all can have that chance to have a second act. We are not always in control but we can nourish our tree to grow and guide it into something amazing.

If you’re reading this, your tree is special too. You are detailed and wonderfully made. You are developing new beautiful leaves and strong branches to add in supporting the greatest thing: you. You’re tree shouldn’t doubt its ability to be something stronger, something outstanding. It just does. So tomorrow just be. Be you. Be your own kind of beautiful and let your tree stand tall.

Xo,

Kai