thankful.

At the beginning of this month, I decided to cleanse myself from social media. I’ll be honest I didn’t succeed however I looked at myself that week and realized a few things.

Tuesday was the first day of the cleanse. The continual question that kept repeating through my head, “why did I decide to do this again?” You know when you decide to not eat sugar or junk food and your like ooh if I just have a little bit I’ll be fine but then you instantly regret eating that bad food because you went back on what you promised? Yeah. Me too. In all honesty I stayed away from Facebook and Instagram which was easy.. it was sneaky little Snapchat that snuck up on me. I wanted to take that ridiculous selfie or post something like a trendy picture of what I was doing in that moment. I wanted to check it to see my notifications- who snapped me?! Guess what, I had no notifications and that little bit of sugar was just a waste.
Instead of wasting good time on social media I went to Barnes and Noble for something to redirect my time for me. As hard as it was, I found a book and two guided journals to redirect my thoughts. I had better conversations away from my phone and had more genuine conversations even if it was just a text to someone I hadn’t caught up with in a while.

While it was easy to say no to all of the social media, doing it was a lot harder. Again I didn’t get through the week but I realized what I wanted to cleanse myself from and it was not living my life for what is on social media. Not comparing my life to someone else’s. To have fun because life is short and not be bothered on did I get enough “likes” on what I documented as fun. I recently read an article about being addicted to people. I realized I was addicted to making myself happy with people who weren’t going to do that. I was the only person who could change how I look at life. One of my favorite parts to the article was, “There is a beauty, when you rise from the ashes of self-destruction. It’s only then you have the potential to be someone you never thought you could be.”

After that week I looked at myself differently and started valuing the little things that I forgot to value. I started looking at old pictures and reliving memories that I thought I could never look at ever again. I wouldn’t look at or appreciate the memories before, but now I’ve started too. I would see pictures in the house and think about the negatives about myself- I was destroying what I loved most about myself but not any more. I am so grateful for what I have. Life is too short to not live it and be thankful for what you’ve got; to enjoy the ride on life’s rollercoaster or merry-go-round rather than wanting to give up and get off.

This past Sunday I hosted Friendsgiving and I celebrated time with friends even though it was stressful to pull off. I thought about what I was thankful leading up to this event and even prior to Friendsgiving. I’m thankful for all of it. The highs. The lows. The blessings. The lessons. The setbacks. The comebacks. The love. The hate. Everything. Yesterday I celebrated more than Friendsgiving- I celebrated a crazy year coming to an end with a new me: one that is a stronger version of myself, an awesome guy by my side and awesome friends. Thankful doesn’t even cut it.

As I write this, sitting on my bathroom floor listening to Fantasy by MS MR I think about about all of the things I am thankful for. Think about what you are thankful for. Everything around you is a blessing. Family, friends, the green grass, the blue sky and the air we breath. Don’t get off life’s roller coaster or merry-go-round. Enjoy the ride.

 

xo,

kai

30 days of blogging: favorite food

Day #6: favorite food


I have to be honest, I am not doing so well with this whole 30 consecutive days of blogging, but I am doing my best!  I will get through 30 posts, until then I’m still on day 6.

I have been a little busy and that is why I have not blogged.  The last few weeks I have been trying to get a passport, working, finalizing everything to start my masters and trying to do things that make me happy and allow me to relax!  Grief has a sneaky way of creeping up on you to create anxiety, feeling sad and everything in between so you have to find things that work for you to not push away the grief but ways to manage and heal through it and that’s exactly what I do when I bake and take photos.  Side note, I got my passport so I can go abroad!  I will be here waiting for it to come in the mail in the meantime because the passport agent would not accept my Prime Membership 2 day shipping so I will have to be patient for a few weeks!  I love food and I love capturing food with my camera, I think I love food photography a little more than taking portraits of people. While I’d love to just hop on a plane and try a bunch of different foods and take pictures of the excellent food, that is not going to happen tomorrow so, for now, I’ll take pictures of the things I bake.

I love baking but more importantly, I LOVE baking and eating cupcakes.  Rather than sit at home just watching Bachelor in Paradise (BIP) all night or falling asleep at 7 PM, I baked in between Carly and Evan’s wedding and the actual BIP episodes.  Tonight, I made a gluten-free vanilla cupcake with chocolate buttercream.  Baking gluten-free is difficult to get that same taste as non-gluten free things because it is missing that key ingredient of the protein: gluten.  Although, I live that GF lifestyle, I do splurge and eat some non-gluten free things every once in a while (a girl’s gotta eat, okay?).  These cupcakes tonight though, were on point with taste and how they looked!  (I wish I could eat cupcakes all day and not be at risk for diabetes or other health issues, I guess I can dream, right?)  But it also helps when you have a great camera!  I recently got a new Canon camera and honestly, my new baby does a great job at capturing everything especially these little beauties.

 

I use a Canon EOS Rebel T6 for all of my work and I literally took these pictures, connected to wi-fi and downloaded these pictures to upload them to my Instagram and blog!  How cool is that?!  Enjoy swooning over these pictures!

xo,

kai