Mom’in during a Pandemic

I wrote this over a year ago with the intent to publish it but was scared to put on paper my struggles as a new mom when I felt like the world was closing in on me–– I hope you enjoy it.

Having a baby during a global pandemic sure changes a lot of things as many of you know. It changes relationships, how you thought your story might go as a mom, and who you become as a mother. I had a beautiful baby boy at the end of January 2021 and I never thought that part of my recovery physically would also be to recover my mind. My little guy spent a week in the NICU and I was desperate to feel “normal” and connected because my family could not possibly understand what it is like to be a mother in a pandemic AND have your baby not come home with you. I was the first of my major girlfriend group to get pregnant and have a baby and so they just didn’t understand how I was feeling. I really needed people in my life who understood where I was at in my journey and especially who understood the struggle of a NICU pandemic mom.

I faced not only the struggles of navigating new motherhood but came home with postpartum anxiety and depression. Bonuses I did not expect to come home with.

I kept telling myself I had all the support I needed though—I had my husband, my family, and friends. I realized over time that while these people were all great, they just didn’t get it! Being a mom that went through trauma it was so refreshing to have other women know and understand how hard pregnancy, labor, and NICU stays, and how hard being a pandemic mom truly was.

Flash forward two years and the pandemic seems like a blip in time. I am thankful for therapy, my immediate family and friends to get me through. I can say I made it! I made it through a time that was so very hard for me.

Whatever you are struggling with right now, know you are not alone. You can get through it and you might need some help along the way.

xo,

kai

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A Quick Guide to: Fall Y’all

Three words: it’s fall y’all.

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It’s finally cooling down in Phoenix and if you live in Arizona and it is October, you know that means: PUMPKINS, CANDLES, FUZZY SOCKS AND WARM COFFEE.

I’m not even going to be salty about this double post in one day because I wanted to share my fall inspo ideas.  A couple of weeks ago, I was feeling a little down and needed to bring some comfort into my house and make it a home.  The Dollar Store opened its automatic doors and led me to a fall paradise of $1 finds.  I felt like my mom and I were going a little crazy with all of the goodies, but when I checked out I had only had $20 worth of fall finds in my cart.  I repeat: only $20!!  Excited and high on deals as I was we rushed home to spread out our fab finds.  We had previously bought everything to make wreaths so that is what I was set out to do.  Little did I know when I got home I did not know that I had a lot more than just “little” things.

So, I did not drink warm coffee.. but I did add pumpkins, put on my fuzzy socks and lit a fall candle while watching Gossip Girl (P.S. I’ve seen this show like a thousand times and I still have a crush on Nate and Chuck and if I ever ran into them in real life I’d totally fan girl over them).  It is crazy how going to the Dollar Store or moving things around can make a house feel more like home.  That coffee table? Made from wood pallets I found with a white pumpkin candle and little glittery pumpkins added to it.  The wreath on my front door?  My mom and I had a wreath making party and all of the flowers on it are from no other than: THE DOLLAR STORE.  Yep.  You can thank me later, send me your fall decorations and crown me fall princess or just call me Joanna Gains because let’s be honest my house is straight out of a Fixer Upper episode and I ain’t even mad about it.

Head to the Dollar Store or Home Goods or wherever and put some fall decorations up (and light a fall candle too) because it will make you happy.  Isn’t that all that counts anyways?

“Psychology says the person who tries to keep everyone else happy often ends up feeling the loneliest”.  So remember darling, fall in love with yourself (and fall things) first. Comment with your fall decorations and other fall ideas!

xo,

kai

30 Days of Blogging: Favorite Food

Day #6: favorite food

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I have to be honest, I am not doing so well with this whole 30 consecutive days of blogging, but I am doing my best!  I will get through 30 posts, until then I’m still on day 6.

I have been a little busy and that is why I have not blogged.  The last few weeks I have been trying to get a passport, working, finalizing everything to start my masters and trying to do things that make me happy and allow me to relax!  Grief has a sneaky way of creeping up on you to create anxiety, feeling sad and everything in between so you have to find things that work for you to not push away the grief but ways to manage and heal through it and that’s exactly what I do when I bake and take photos.  Side note, I got my passport so I can go abroad!  I will be here waiting for it to come in the mail in the meantime because the passport agent would not accept my Prime Membership 2 day shipping so I will have to be patient for a few weeks!  I love food and I love capturing food with my camera, I think I love food photography a little more than taking portraits of people. While I’d love to just hop on a plane and try a bunch of different foods and take pictures of the excellent food, that is not going to happen tomorrow so, for now, I’ll take pictures of the things I bake.

I love baking but more importantly, I LOVE baking and eating cupcakes.  Rather than sit at home just watching Bachelor in Paradise (BIP) all night or falling asleep at 7 PM, I baked in between Carly and Evan’s wedding and the actual BIP episodes.  Tonight, I made a gluten-free vanilla cupcake with chocolate buttercream.  Baking gluten-free is difficult to get that same taste as non-gluten free things because it is missing that key ingredient of the protein: gluten.  Although, I live that GF lifestyle, I do splurge and eat some non-gluten free things every once in a while (a girl’s gotta eat, okay?).  These cupcakes tonight though, were on point with taste and how they looked!  (I wish I could eat cupcakes all day and not be at risk for diabetes or other health issues, I guess I can dream, right?)  But it also helps when you have a great camera!  I recently got a new Canon camera and honestly, my new baby does a great job at capturing everything especially these little beauties.

 

I use a Canon EOS Rebel T6 for all of my work and I literally took these pictures, connected to wi-fi and downloaded these pictures to upload them to my Instagram and blog!  How cool is that?!  Enjoy swooning over these pictures!

xo,

kai

30 Days of Blogging: My Guilty Pleasure

Day #4: My Guilty Pleasure

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I feel really bad I didn’t stick with my challenge and blog yesterday.  So today is like 2 posts in one!

First, in my last post, I said Sunday I would not complain and took that challenge!  Honestly, when I thought about the day, I did not complain.  Having that in the back of my head and to wake up feeling refreshed as well as positive really made a difference in my day.

Now for today’s answer to what is my guilty pleasure?  Hair and makeup videos.  Yes, hair and makeup videos are one of my favorite things to watch.  You know those videos on Facebook that pop up and are like a minute long and show all of these hair transformations with cuts and colors and have really good dance music?  No? OMG just watch this video.  (To be honest, I just got distracted watching this and had to refocus).  Anyways, I LOVE these videos and if it involves makeup, I’m right there too!  For some reason (maybe it’s my love for beauty products) watching these videos just makes me zone out and stop thinking about everything else.  Sometimes I even watch them when I’m trying to relax or go to sleep.  It is so memorizing what some people can do to not only their hair but also makeup.

I know this was a short post, but I honestly think this is pretty self-explanatory and you should just watch the videos LOL (Plus it’s my day off and I honestly tried to talk myself out of doing this… but I promise I won’t tomorrow!)