Mom’in during a Pandemic

I wrote this over a year ago with the intent to publish it but was scared to put on paper my struggles as a new mom when I felt like the world was closing in on me–– I hope you enjoy it.

Having a baby during a global pandemic sure changes a lot of things as many of you know. It changes relationships, how you thought your story might go as a mom, and who you become as a mother. I had a beautiful baby boy at the end of January 2021 and I never thought that part of my recovery physically would also be to recover my mind. My little guy spent a week in the NICU and I was desperate to feel “normal” and connected because my family could not possibly understand what it is like to be a mother in a pandemic AND have your baby not come home with you. I was the first of my major girlfriend group to get pregnant and have a baby and so they just didn’t understand how I was feeling. I really needed people in my life who understood where I was at in my journey and especially who understood the struggle of a NICU pandemic mom.

I faced not only the struggles of navigating new motherhood but came home with postpartum anxiety and depression. Bonuses I did not expect to come home with.

I kept telling myself I had all the support I needed though—I had my husband, my family, and friends. I realized over time that while these people were all great, they just didn’t get it! Being a mom that went through trauma it was so refreshing to have other women know and understand how hard pregnancy, labor, and NICU stays, and how hard being a pandemic mom truly was.

Flash forward two years and the pandemic seems like a blip in time. I am thankful for therapy, my immediate family and friends to get me through. I can say I made it! I made it through a time that was so very hard for me.

Whatever you are struggling with right now, know you are not alone. You can get through it and you might need some help along the way.

xo,

kai

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One Simple Way To: Stand Tall

Every day we wake up with a new day, a new to start over to write our own. Each day the sun rises and so do we. We wake up to an awesome day that awaits us. Each day we are blessed with a new seed to grow into a beautiful new tree.

We can have it all just with a new mindset. A new mindset that our “tree” has new leaves fresh and crisp ready for that new day. Our trees are all different in there own ways, constructed vein by vein in each leaf, branch by branch down to the trunk to support and hold up everything. Our tree is special. It’s leaves may shed, to leave us with something bare but that’s just it— they shed for something greater. Day by day we are graced with new. New ideas, new support, new growth. We may run into trouble or doubt but one thing remains: each new leaf to make our tree is beautiful. A tree doesn’t doubt how to grow it just does. Our path and growth is planned for us and we just need to do. Just do what’s best for us in order for us to grow. To grow into something magnificent and detailed in our own unique ways.

This isn’t my typical blog post but I felt inspired by J Lo’s new movie, Second Act and the words just flowed in because we all can have that chance to have a second act. We are not always in control but we can nourish our tree to grow and guide it into something amazing.

If you’re reading this, your tree is special too. You are detailed and wonderfully made. You are developing new beautiful leaves and strong branches to add in supporting the greatest thing: you. You’re tree shouldn’t doubt its ability to be something stronger, something outstanding. It just does. So tomorrow just be. Be you. Be your own kind of beautiful and let your tree stand tall.

Xo,

Kai

30 Days of Blogging: 3 Personality Traits I’m Proud Of

Day # 5:

3 personality traits I’m proud of:

1. My determination
2. My kindness
3. My trustworthiness

Valuing myself and looking at what I love about myself makes my day that much better. Sometimes after a long and rough day, you have to do or think about the things that make you happy. You also have to love yourself.

xoxo,

kai

30 Days of Blogging: Challenge Starts Now

In order to connect and write worthy posts, I am going to do a series of 30 days of blog posts.  P.S. I got this off Pinterest so I want to thank Pinterest for my inspiration for the next 30 days. Get ready to bloom into my life.

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Today is #1.  Seventeen Facts About Me

1. I am an only child
2. I recently graduated and am now starting graduate school to study psychology (wait, is that two? oh well)
3. My family are my biggest fans
4. I am a photographer
5. I work in marketing
6. I have a cat that stays at my parents’ house (or her castle because she thinks she’s a queen)
7. I bought a house at 21.
8. My life path number is 11. (If you don’t know what life path numbers are add your birthday up and Google it.  I’m sure you’ll learn something about yourself)
9. I’ve gone through all of life’s stressors and lost more people than I would have imagined at the end of 2016 and through this year
10. I love pizza and ice cream
11. I am gluten free
12. I am slightly obsessed with Gossip Girl and Greys Anatomy. I have watched both series more times than I’d like to admit
13. My favorite bible verse is Romans 12:12
14. I have a thing for numbers (if you couldn’t tell by fact #11)
15. I am passionate about giving back and helping veterans
16. I bake cupcakes
17. I started this blog to have an outlet and display my creative work

Boom. Done.  Fin.

xo,

kai

Welcome to My Secret Garden

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a little about me.

I am  trying to figure out my place in the world.  Oh also I am a recent college grad and I am going back to school for my masters.  My family says I am an overachiever and I would have to agree with them; but when I know something is right for me, I am passionate about whatever is thrown my way.

Rewind to 2009, where I had blonde chunks peeking through parts of my hair and took graphic design to have an excuse to be with my friends in class in order to feel like I fit in. I learned the basics and quickly fell head over heels with being behind the camera and photoshop. Mind you, I wasn’t very good and had a lot to learn, but I soon learned to prove myself and others.

Fast forward to 2014 where I challenged myself in college to experience more than just business classes. I expanded my portfolio and learned art is just that: art. It is whatever you make of it. Photography and graphic design has shown me: be who you want because there is only one you (so what, if other people don’t like that). Two years later, I graduated from Grand Canyon University with a Bachelor of Science in Marketing and started Modern Roses.  I am continually challenged with working with an array of clients and projects.  I have never been happier to explore and have a creative outlet.

What do I love most? Being a part of my clients’ memories, hearing their stories and capturing & reflecting through my camera and art how my clients may not see themselves.

So welcome to my secret garden where the flowers are colored with life, love and a little bit of everything in between. 

xo,

kai